Thursday, 14 August 2025

Pizza Physics

I had reservations about writing a pizza blog. I mean, you make a base, you dress it, then you put it in the oven and ta-daaaar. But a degree of Wissenschaft comes into play when things get multi-storey. I make these magnificent architectural creations in three phases: 

1. Make the base and add the tomato sauce with some of the juiciest/ moist ingredients (like pineapple, tomatoes, sweetcorn, prawns, etc). This will warm up the pizza and allow excess water to escape by evaporation so it doesn't lead to an icky puddle leaking out like an old lady's piss pants at the end. If you just plopped everything on all at once, the lower and most central components might not heat up in time whilst the external part of the pizza will be burned. 10-15 minutes should do it, depending on your heat setting and the location of your pizza in the oven.

2. Meanwhile roast the toughest and most fibrous vegetables (like broccoli, peppers, onion, mushrooms etc) and let them break down and get some time to cook in the oven before you add them to your heated base. 20-30 minutes should do it. Additionally, adding roasted vegetables allows thorough cooking, and improves their flavour. 

3. Finally, after heating together the ingredients from step 1 and 2 above (not so they burn, but enough to get them steaming and wilting down) add the final layer of ingredients that usually don't take so long to cook (e.g. pepperoni, salami, feta, mozzarella, cheddar, anchovies, red kidney beans, etc). That way everything should come to fruition at just the right time. And the right place. 

I'm not here to tell you what to put on your pizza, or for how long. It's a goddam democracy and you can do what you like. But I can tell you a judicious amount of pre-cooking is a rewarding endeavour when you are contemplating an ascent to your own personal Eiger of pizza achievement. Good luck and may the Pizza Gods (who were Roman obviously) go with you. 





Friday, 1 August 2025

German Beer Face-Off: Bitburger vs Vulkan vs Kölsch

Germany’s beer culture is legendary, and for good reason. Among its vast brewing landscape, Bitburger, Vulkan, and Kölsch stand out—each offering a distinct character, production story, and drinking experience. Whether you’re a curious beer lover or a seasoned enthusiast, here’s how these three compare.

Bitburger: The Classic German Pilsner

Style: Pilsner
Origin: Bitburg, Rhineland-Palatinate
ABV: ~4.8%
Production: Bitburger has been brewed since 1817, and it proudly adheres to the Reinheitsgebot (German Beer Purity Law). Its brewing process focuses on top-quality ingredients—local water from the Eifel mountains, Hallertau hops, and malted barley. Bitburger even developed its own yeast strain, ensuring a consistent taste.
Character: Aroma: Crisp, floral hop notes with subtle malt sweetness. Taste: Dry, with a balanced bitterness and light body. Finish: Clean and refreshing—textbook pilsner precision.
Vibe: Bitburger is a staple in Germany’s pilsner culture. It’s not flashy, but its reliability makes it perfect for any occasion, from summer BBQs to after-work drinks. Their famous slogan, "Bitte ein Bit" ("A Bit, please"), speaks to how ingrained this beer is in German society.



Vulkan: The Eifel Craft Pioneer

Style: Wide range (from Pils to Red Ale, IPA, and even experimental brews)
Origin: Mendig, Eifel region
ABV: Varies, typically between 4.5% - 7%
Production: Vulkan Brauerei stands out for its location—perched above ancient lava caves. These natural cellars provide perfect conditions for lagering beer. Vulkan embraces both tradition and innovation, combining classic German brewing methods with craft creativity. They use high-quality local water and a wide selection of hops and malts, often playing with different styles and limited editions.
Character (Flagship Vulkan Pils): Aroma: Grassy hops with a hint of citrus. Taste: Crisp malt backbone with herbal bitterness. Mouthfeel: Fuller than a typical industrial pils, thanks to craft-style brewing.
Vibe: Vulkan blends German brewing heritage with a modern craft twist. It’s the beer for adventurous drinkers who want a taste of Eifel’s volcanic terroir, plus some creative flair in the mix. Their Vulkan Pale Ale or Porter is a bold choice if you want to venture beyond the pilsner comfort zone.





Kölsch: Cologne’s Golden Gem

Style: Kölsch
Origin: Cologne (Köln), North Rhine-Westphalia
ABV: ~4.8%
Production: Kölsch is brewed exclusively in Cologne, protected by a geographical indication similar to Champagne but ironically is famously a low-gas beer. It’s a hybrid brew—top-fermented like an ale but cold-conditioned like a lager. This unique process results in its distinctive character: clean and crisp, yet subtly fruity.
Character: Aroma: Soft fruit notes (apple, pear) with delicate maltiness. Taste: Light-bodied, gently hoppy with a touch of sweetness. Finish: Smooth and slightly dry.
Vibe: Kölsch isn’t just a beer; it’s a culture. In Cologne’s famous Kölsch bars, it’s served in slender Stange glasses, constantly refreshed until you say stop. It’s the ultimate social beer—easy-drinking and designed for long conversations.




Final Verdict

Bitburger - Style: Pilsner, Key Strength: Classic, dependable quality, Best For: German beer purists
Vulkan - Style: Craft Lager & More, Key Strength: Innovative with Eifel character, Best For: Craft lovers & adventurers
Kölsch - Style: Hybrid Ale-Lager, Key Strength: Light, social, ultra-drinkable, Best For: Long nights out with friends

In Short: Grab a Bitburger for that no-nonsense pilsner fix. Explore Vulkan if you’re feeling curious and crave something craft-inspired. Sip on Kölsch if you want a beer that’s all about social vibes and local culture.