Thursday, 14 August 2025

Pizza Physics

I had reservations about writing a pizza blog. I mean, you make a base, you dress it, then you put it in the oven and ta-daaaar. But a degree of Wissenschaft comes into play when things get multi-storey. I make these magnificent architectural creations in three phases: 

1. Make the base and add the tomato sauce with some of the juiciest/ moist ingredients (like pineapple, tomatoes, sweetcorn, prawns, etc). This will warm up the pizza and allow excess water to escape by evaporation so it doesn't lead to an icky puddle leaking out like an old lady's piss pants at the end. If you just plopped everything on all at once, the lower and most central components might not heat up in time whilst the external part of the pizza will be burned. 10-15 minutes should do it, depending on your heat setting and the location of your pizza in the oven.

2. Meanwhile roast the toughest and most fibrous vegetables (like broccoli, peppers, onion, mushrooms etc) and let them break down and get some time to cook in the oven before you add them to your heated base. 20-30 minutes should do it. Additionally, adding roasted vegetables allows thorough cooking, and improves their flavour. 

3. Finally, after heating together the ingredients from step 1 and 2 above (not so they burn, but enough to get them steaming and wilting down) add the final layer of ingredients that usually don't take so long to cook (e.g. pepperoni, salami, feta, mozzarella, cheddar, anchovies, red kidney beans, etc). That way everything should come to fruition at just the right time. And the right place. 

I'm not here to tell you what to put on your pizza, or for how long. It's a goddam democracy and you can do what you like. But I can tell you a judicious amount of pre-cooking is a rewarding endeavour when you are contemplating an ascent to your own personal Eiger of pizza achievement. Good luck and may the Pizza Gods (who were Roman obviously) go with you. 





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