Wednesday, 1 April 2015

Orme Beer Review

Great Orme Brewery
I was really looking forward to the possibility of drinking this stately looking North Welsh beer. Hugging the gentle mineral rich waters sweetly to my palate again, mimics the ageless percolation of waters through the mist imbued rocks of Snowdonia. I had been kissed by Cerridwen’s ales before and refreshed with her mystical cauldren’s offerings, so felt that malty bliss would be a foregone conclusion. Just how wrong can you be! 

This beer is as treacly as a lifelong chain smoker's lung biopsy, with some subtly ironic caramel thrown in (as though to say "look- this is the prize you could have had"). Cancerously camphorous with hints of cardboard. It is hoppy like some teenager’s armpit homebrew skulking under the stairs. There is no appreciable head, and bloating sewerage gas. It is astringent to the point of being acrid which lingers on the tongue as a malevolent aftertaste. It’s a battle of wits to finish it. The gastric pits are pitted against pitiful piss. The 4.2% feels more like drinking 5.2% and its harsh. I feel in a way like Ive had a lucky escape. If this was on draught in a local pub I’d probably have got into a fight trying to swap it out. All of this ‘smokey Joe’ quickly neutralises itself in a tasteless mucoid slime which is crowned by a vapid citric stab, somewhat akin to the crappy tang you get when you pop a cheap vitamin C tablet or change a nappy on a bad day. Gastritis generator. Unpleasant. Dogwash.  

Both the Great and Little Ormes have been etymologically linked to the Old Norsewords urm or orm that mean sea serpent (the English word worm is transliterated from the same term). The Great Orme being the head, with its body being the land between the Great and Little Ormes. Although the Vikings left no written texts of their time in North Wales, they certainly raided the area though they appear to have not founded any permanent settlements, unlike on the Wirral Peninsula. I expect they preferred the beer over in Liverpool.

Marks /10

North Utsire

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